So this weekend we went to San Antonio, I love going to San Antonio! I was born there, raised there until I was 11 and my family lives there. If I had it my way, I would go visit like every single weekend. We stayed at the Menger Hotel by the riverwalk (do a search, it is supposedly haunted, but I don't think so), I got to see my uncle who I haven't seen since I was like 13 or so, met my cousin or something that I hadn't met before (he is 3), took some great pictures, watched the Rangers win the game and clench going to the World Series for the 2nd straight year (GOOOOO RANGERS!!!!). Ate waaaaaaaay to much (I don't think I want to see food again for another year), rode the boar on the riverwalk, took some old time pictures, hung out with my baby brother (even though he is almost a foot taller than me now), went to lunch with my grandma, did some electrical work, walked around downtown, laughed a whole lot and came home.
I finally made it to go see my grandpa. I sure have missed him. He isn't doing well, and I am glad I got to see him this weekend. When I got to the nursing home on Saturday, he was coming down the hall in his wheelchair. My heart caught in my chest, he looks so frail, so fragile. Just a shell of the vibrant person he used to be. This was the first time he has been out of bed in over 2 months. He got out of bed because he knew I was coming to see him. He was going down the hall looking for me. He didn't want me to see him laying in bed. You see, the last thing I said to him the last time I talked to him was that I was coming soon, that once he got out of the hospital and got to doing better I would be coming to see him. Sure enough, he got out of the hospital a few weeks ago, and started doing better, so I kept my promise, and I went to see him. My mom has been telling him for over a week that I was coming, and my cousin told him Friday night that I was coming Saturday morning, so he knew I was coming.
I had such a wonderful visit with him, so many memories were made. He wasn't back to how he used to be, his voice is very quiet, and my mom and I had to pat him on the back to break up the fluid in his chest every once in a while to get a voice back, but he told me that he didn't have much time left, and he could feel it coming. He got to see Sierra and Ella again. They picked flowers for him and covered him with about 40 yellow and orange flowers and he even let Jimmy take pictures of him (something that he NEVER lets anyone do) I gave him a mini massage he showed me how he could move his fingers on his left hand (something he just started doing within the last few months (he hasn't been able to move anything on his left side since his second stroke over 5 years ago). He was trying to tell me things that I couldn't understand because he has no voice and I couldn't hear him, but all in all we had a great visit. We sat outisde in the beautiful fall weather and just enjoyed some much needed time together. I know that Sierra and Ella are way to young to remember any of this, but my grandpa's day was made by them loving on him even though they really don't know who he is, by them showing his rolly polly's that they found with their cousin (that they had just met for the first time the previous day but were instant best friends). We stayed for almost 2 hours, but they just flew by. I could have stayed all day, but he was tired, it was a lot for him to handle since it was his first time out in a few months. I have a hard time looking at him as a fragile shell of who he used to be. I see him and just want him to start making donald duck voices again, or telling me about how it was when I was groing up and telling him he was my daddy and holding onto his leg, or when I was digging in the backyard when I was like 5 and I couldn't find anymore dirt, or remembering going to the apple carnival thing when I was 13 or so and he introduced me to Toby Keith music. It's not easy to see my big strong grandpa who could defeat anyone and anything because he is all powerful, reduced to a shrivled old man (who isn't old), who needs someone to change his clothes, wipe his mouth, someone to move his hand and wheel him around so that he can get where he needs to go. Someone who has to point at a board to tell you when he needs or wants something because you can't hear him because he can't speak above a muttered whisper. But he is still the same person on the inside, trying to joke around and make faces. Still wanting and needing his family to love him, needing people to talk to, someone to show that yes, they still care about him and he isn't forgotten.
That was probably the best, and worst part of my trip down there. I will never forget the time I got to spend with him this weekend, and there never is enough time when it comes to someone you love.
My beautiful Family
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Grandpa...tell me 'bout the good old days...
Yes that is a Judd's song, my favorite of all time. Not because it is catchy, not because they sing it really really good, not because of anything other than it is my grandpa and my song. As far back as I can remember, I would always say "Grandpa" in that way when he would say something really silly like carrots (caruts is how he would say it, you see my grandpa is from England and that is how he talked and it was a running joke between us to get him to say carrots, bear and scrunchies, that was my favorite), and I would say "Grandpa" and he would always finish with "tell me 'bout the good old days" and not just say it, he would sing it to me, every single time. Every time I talked to him on the phone, say him in person, that was our thing, no one else's. I can't hear that song without thinking of my grandpa.
5 years ago, my grandpa had a stroke. He was found on the floor in his bedroom by my aunt (great aunt, his sister) when he didn't show up to church on Sunday morning and he didn't call her or answer the phone when she tried to call him. We found out later he had been laying on the floor for 24 hours before she found him. The fire department couldn't get in to him right away because of the bars on his door and windows, but they finally got in. I will always remember the phone call from my mom telling me he had a stroke, he was at the hospital and she was on her way to check on him. He recovered from the stroke almost completely within a few weeks I think it was, and then he started having strokes again. I think he had 6 or 7 of them total. We were told he would never be back to himself again. He would never walk again, he would never be able to be on his own again, might never eat again. My grandpa wasn't my grandpa anymore, he was a shell of the person he used to be. But he was still my grandpa. It took him some time to get used to the fact that he was going to have to stay in a nursing home for the rest of his life, he went through depression, anxiety, hallucinations that someone was trying to kill him (he has no mobility or feeling in his right arm, and it would flop over him during the night and he thought it was a person), acceptance, back to depression, back to acceptance and so on. It has been a roller coaster ride with him, but every time I go see him, I will always get him to say carrots, bear, and scrunchies (my absolute favorite because he says it skrungies) and I will always say "Grandpa" and he will say "tell me 'bout the good old days" even though you can't fully understand him. He is always in good spirits, joking around, making everyone laugh even when he is hurting. The last time I talked to him I told him that I was going to come see him, but he had to get out of the hospital first, and he said, "I did, but you didn't come so I came back!" He was only out for a day, then had to be re-admitted for pneumonia again. He has decided that there will be no more hospital trips for him, and he told the nurses that he is ready to die, he is tired, he has been fighting for a long time. I can't say that I blame him, he can't even get out of bed anymore, I don't know if I would have lasted as long, but I am greedy, I want my grandpa, I need my grandpa.
I don't think I am fully ready for the day that he isn't here with us anymore, even typing that tears me apart, he has been more than a grandpa to me, he was a father when I didn't have one, a disciplinarian when I needed one, a protector when I didn't want one, and everything I needed when I didn't know I needed it. I keep telling myself that I am ready, and I will be able to handle it when he goes, but I know I am not ready, I know I will handle it because God will never give me more than I can handle, but it won't be easy. For as long as I live, there will be so many things that remind me of him, the name Billy (his "twin" brother that used to scare the daylights out of me as a kid), brown paper bags (he used to play with an invisable ball and catch it in the brown paper bag), Toby Keith (he introduced me to Toby Keith music and got me a cassette tape of his), McHammer (he used to make me mix tapes and send them to me all the time), potatoes, (his favorite food in the whole world), cheese (he HATES cheese and I always tease him that I will make him potatoes and he gets all excited, and then I tell him I will put lots and lots of cheese on it and he always says "gross!!!" and then we all crack up). I know there will come a day where he will not be here, and when I go to San Antonio to visit my mom and grandma, I won't go to the nursing home to see him and it will be so weird, and I won't be asking her how grandpa is anymore and it will take a lot of getting used to because I talk to her almost every day and I always ask how he is doing and what is the lastest on him. I know there will be a day that I hear that song on the radio and just burst into tears because he won't be there to say "tell me 'bout the good old days" anymore. But I know that he will be better off, he won't be in that nursing home anymore, he won't be tired anymore, and he will be happy. I will see him again someday when it happens, but for now, I will stick to calling him and mom translating our conversation and sending hugs and kisses (on the cheek always on the cheek becuase that is just the way he is) and cherish the time I have left with my wonderful grandpa, who will tell me 'bout the good old days
5 years ago, my grandpa had a stroke. He was found on the floor in his bedroom by my aunt (great aunt, his sister) when he didn't show up to church on Sunday morning and he didn't call her or answer the phone when she tried to call him. We found out later he had been laying on the floor for 24 hours before she found him. The fire department couldn't get in to him right away because of the bars on his door and windows, but they finally got in. I will always remember the phone call from my mom telling me he had a stroke, he was at the hospital and she was on her way to check on him. He recovered from the stroke almost completely within a few weeks I think it was, and then he started having strokes again. I think he had 6 or 7 of them total. We were told he would never be back to himself again. He would never walk again, he would never be able to be on his own again, might never eat again. My grandpa wasn't my grandpa anymore, he was a shell of the person he used to be. But he was still my grandpa. It took him some time to get used to the fact that he was going to have to stay in a nursing home for the rest of his life, he went through depression, anxiety, hallucinations that someone was trying to kill him (he has no mobility or feeling in his right arm, and it would flop over him during the night and he thought it was a person), acceptance, back to depression, back to acceptance and so on. It has been a roller coaster ride with him, but every time I go see him, I will always get him to say carrots, bear, and scrunchies (my absolute favorite because he says it skrungies) and I will always say "Grandpa" and he will say "tell me 'bout the good old days" even though you can't fully understand him. He is always in good spirits, joking around, making everyone laugh even when he is hurting. The last time I talked to him I told him that I was going to come see him, but he had to get out of the hospital first, and he said, "I did, but you didn't come so I came back!" He was only out for a day, then had to be re-admitted for pneumonia again. He has decided that there will be no more hospital trips for him, and he told the nurses that he is ready to die, he is tired, he has been fighting for a long time. I can't say that I blame him, he can't even get out of bed anymore, I don't know if I would have lasted as long, but I am greedy, I want my grandpa, I need my grandpa.
I don't think I am fully ready for the day that he isn't here with us anymore, even typing that tears me apart, he has been more than a grandpa to me, he was a father when I didn't have one, a disciplinarian when I needed one, a protector when I didn't want one, and everything I needed when I didn't know I needed it. I keep telling myself that I am ready, and I will be able to handle it when he goes, but I know I am not ready, I know I will handle it because God will never give me more than I can handle, but it won't be easy. For as long as I live, there will be so many things that remind me of him, the name Billy (his "twin" brother that used to scare the daylights out of me as a kid), brown paper bags (he used to play with an invisable ball and catch it in the brown paper bag), Toby Keith (he introduced me to Toby Keith music and got me a cassette tape of his), McHammer (he used to make me mix tapes and send them to me all the time), potatoes, (his favorite food in the whole world), cheese (he HATES cheese and I always tease him that I will make him potatoes and he gets all excited, and then I tell him I will put lots and lots of cheese on it and he always says "gross!!!" and then we all crack up). I know there will come a day where he will not be here, and when I go to San Antonio to visit my mom and grandma, I won't go to the nursing home to see him and it will be so weird, and I won't be asking her how grandpa is anymore and it will take a lot of getting used to because I talk to her almost every day and I always ask how he is doing and what is the lastest on him. I know there will be a day that I hear that song on the radio and just burst into tears because he won't be there to say "tell me 'bout the good old days" anymore. But I know that he will be better off, he won't be in that nursing home anymore, he won't be tired anymore, and he will be happy. I will see him again someday when it happens, but for now, I will stick to calling him and mom translating our conversation and sending hugs and kisses (on the cheek always on the cheek becuase that is just the way he is) and cherish the time I have left with my wonderful grandpa, who will tell me 'bout the good old days
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Church and bedtime...
Well today was the first time in a while that we went to church. Jimmy and I got up early, got ready and rode the bike to visit a local church. We don't have a church home which will shock a lot of you, our church home is the prison, and our support group. We have church wherever God leads us to have church at the time, if it is at our kitchen table, so be it, if it is a group on Tuesday nights, ok no problem, and it always always always happens at the prison on Fridays and the 2nd saturday of every single month without fail for the last 5 years. So while we don't have a "Church home" we have many church homes that love us and welcome us and are excited to see us every week. So anyway now that we have that out of the way, we went to church this morning and heard an amazing message about being on fire for the Lord, how to many churches are dying because they have become pew sitters by nature and think that they are serving by doing nothing. That we need to get out there and do some footwork, how do we expect anyone to get saved if we aren't doing anything to show them what it is like to live as a person who is saved? Are they just supposed to look at someone sitting in a chair about to fall asleep and think "Whoo-Hoo!!! I so want some of what they have going on!!!! Let me go ask them how I can do that too!" NO! You have to get out there and start showing people how blessed you are, post it on facebook, tweet about it, put it on myspace (if it is still out there, I have heard a rumor that it is), text about it, scream it from the rooftops. Let everyone know that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life, he is the only way! That a life with Him is so amazing and you don't know how you did it before you found Him. How is anyone supposed to know if you don't tell them and show them the amazing gift you have been given? Needless to say, this evening, Jimmy and I went out to pass out fliers about our ministry, to let people know about Him and what He is doing in our lives. We knocked on doors for about 2 hours, handed out fliers, told them about what we were doing (scared one guy, I guess the biker vests were a little to much for him, he wouldn't open the glass screen door). Some might show up at group this week, some might not. Either way, we got the word out there and someone who's door we knocked on, God set that up, they needed to hear that there is something out there for them, someone who won't judge what they have done, who loves them for who they are. There is a group of people out there meeting every week with piercings, tattoos, bikers, cowboys, old, young, some with bad tempers, some that are quiet, some that are loud, some that cuss then blush, some that cuss and then cuss again because they are sorry, but no one judges one another, we just love one another, and we would love to have them join our group if for nothing else, just to check it out (they almost always come back at least a few times, and some we just can't get rid of no matter what we do j/k we love all of our people).
So on to the other thing in the title of tonights post. Bedtime, yes I know it is an odd combination, church and bedtime, but tonight God just opened my eyes to something huge! I have said before that I am working on getting the girls to bed on their own, so far they have been doing really good, Ella the past couple of nights has been throwing fits when it comes time to make easy decisions for the night. She does really good up until she has to decide which blanket she wants to use and if she wants it wrapped around her or if she just wants to be covered. It is a major meltdown as if I have just told her that she will be wrapped up in fire ants or no chocolate for the rest of her life or something awful like that. I ask her first which blanket and she just sits there and looks at me as if I am speaking Chinese or something, so I ask her again, "Ella, which blanket do you want to use tonight? Poka dots or the red one?" Last night she decided she was going to choose something that wasn't one of the two choices just to see if I was paying attention, and of course it would be the one that Sierra was using. That ended up being a 10 minute tantrum. So tonight I asked her 3 times, she just looked at me so I said, "ok, you think about it, I am going to go cover Sierra and I will be back to cover you (they are in toddler beds like 4 feet away from one another). Meltdown 1 starts. I ignore her, ask Sierra which blanket she wants, she wants her heart one, and she wants it around (which is always more fun because it comes with a snuggle and a bounce/throw onto the bed), hug, kiss, I love you's, sweet dreams and she is done (have I mentioned I love that kid). Back to Ella, I ask her again which blanket she wants and she just melts down, bawling. I calmly ask again, "Ella, you need to pick a blanket or I am going to have to pick for you because it is going to get really really cold in your room tonight." Nothing. So I tell her, "Ok, I am going to cover you with the red and the poka dot kiss and hug and I am going to go in the living room, I have some things I need to do" so I cover her, she kicks the blanket off, I cover her again, she kicks it off again. I cover her, hold it down long enough for me to kiss her on the head, hug her, tell her I love her and good night, out the door. The child sounds as if she has become posessed!!! Kicking and screaming, who is this kid and what has she done with my sweet Ella who loves to sit on the couch with me and rub my hair and tell me how much she loves me?! So heartbroken I sit in the livingroom (right next to their room) and try to get lost in facebook (zombies, smurfs and sims), but I just can't get into it. I wait a few minutes in hopes she will calm down and go back in, ask her again, "would you like to pick a blanket? I will either cover you, or put it around and we can start over again." Supernanny would have a FIT!!! But it turns out all she needed was a few minutes to realize I meant business, if she was not going to pick, I would and I would make sure that she still got her hugs and kisses and her I love you's, but I was not going to mess around. I guess she either learned Chinese or I started speaking English again because she picked the poka dot one, wanted it around and gave the biggest hugs and kisses and told me that she loved me. My Ella Bella was back.
The reason I told the long verson was because this is how it was revealed to me. We are Ella, or Sierra. God tells us, you can either go this way and pick which one, I can love you through it, hug you, kiss you, tell you how much I love you and we can do it peacefully. Or you can make the decision to choose the third thing, not what I intend for you to do. But if you do this, it isn't going to go well, you are going to end up kicking and screaming and mad, throwing a fit like a 3 year old, but I will still try to help you make the right decision, still give you a hug and kiss and tell you that no matter how you act, I will always love you. Once you decide that you have calmed down, you can come to me, and we will find a way to get you back where you need to be, back to the choices that I laid out before you, the ones that I am blessing for you. We can either work together or against each other, but it is always easier to work together.
I was sitting on the couch after the last time I went in the room, when my Ella was back and I just had one of those ah-ha moments and it was like, "duh! How have I never gotten that before?!" Ever have one of those moments? The ones where you can just hear God talking to you and telling you, "This is what I have been trying to get across to you."
So on to the other thing in the title of tonights post. Bedtime, yes I know it is an odd combination, church and bedtime, but tonight God just opened my eyes to something huge! I have said before that I am working on getting the girls to bed on their own, so far they have been doing really good, Ella the past couple of nights has been throwing fits when it comes time to make easy decisions for the night. She does really good up until she has to decide which blanket she wants to use and if she wants it wrapped around her or if she just wants to be covered. It is a major meltdown as if I have just told her that she will be wrapped up in fire ants or no chocolate for the rest of her life or something awful like that. I ask her first which blanket and she just sits there and looks at me as if I am speaking Chinese or something, so I ask her again, "Ella, which blanket do you want to use tonight? Poka dots or the red one?" Last night she decided she was going to choose something that wasn't one of the two choices just to see if I was paying attention, and of course it would be the one that Sierra was using. That ended up being a 10 minute tantrum. So tonight I asked her 3 times, she just looked at me so I said, "ok, you think about it, I am going to go cover Sierra and I will be back to cover you (they are in toddler beds like 4 feet away from one another). Meltdown 1 starts. I ignore her, ask Sierra which blanket she wants, she wants her heart one, and she wants it around (which is always more fun because it comes with a snuggle and a bounce/throw onto the bed), hug, kiss, I love you's, sweet dreams and she is done (have I mentioned I love that kid). Back to Ella, I ask her again which blanket she wants and she just melts down, bawling. I calmly ask again, "Ella, you need to pick a blanket or I am going to have to pick for you because it is going to get really really cold in your room tonight." Nothing. So I tell her, "Ok, I am going to cover you with the red and the poka dot kiss and hug and I am going to go in the living room, I have some things I need to do" so I cover her, she kicks the blanket off, I cover her again, she kicks it off again. I cover her, hold it down long enough for me to kiss her on the head, hug her, tell her I love her and good night, out the door. The child sounds as if she has become posessed!!! Kicking and screaming, who is this kid and what has she done with my sweet Ella who loves to sit on the couch with me and rub my hair and tell me how much she loves me?! So heartbroken I sit in the livingroom (right next to their room) and try to get lost in facebook (zombies, smurfs and sims), but I just can't get into it. I wait a few minutes in hopes she will calm down and go back in, ask her again, "would you like to pick a blanket? I will either cover you, or put it around and we can start over again." Supernanny would have a FIT!!! But it turns out all she needed was a few minutes to realize I meant business, if she was not going to pick, I would and I would make sure that she still got her hugs and kisses and her I love you's, but I was not going to mess around. I guess she either learned Chinese or I started speaking English again because she picked the poka dot one, wanted it around and gave the biggest hugs and kisses and told me that she loved me. My Ella Bella was back.
The reason I told the long verson was because this is how it was revealed to me. We are Ella, or Sierra. God tells us, you can either go this way and pick which one, I can love you through it, hug you, kiss you, tell you how much I love you and we can do it peacefully. Or you can make the decision to choose the third thing, not what I intend for you to do. But if you do this, it isn't going to go well, you are going to end up kicking and screaming and mad, throwing a fit like a 3 year old, but I will still try to help you make the right decision, still give you a hug and kiss and tell you that no matter how you act, I will always love you. Once you decide that you have calmed down, you can come to me, and we will find a way to get you back where you need to be, back to the choices that I laid out before you, the ones that I am blessing for you. We can either work together or against each other, but it is always easier to work together.
I was sitting on the couch after the last time I went in the room, when my Ella was back and I just had one of those ah-ha moments and it was like, "duh! How have I never gotten that before?!" Ever have one of those moments? The ones where you can just hear God talking to you and telling you, "This is what I have been trying to get across to you."
Friday, September 30, 2011
Remember what is important
Tonight I had the scare of my life. There are moments where you think the worst, and then there are moments where you fear the worst in the pit of your stomach so strongly that you could throw up just to make it go away. I had one of the latter tonight.
Jimmy goes to the prison every Friday night to do our bible study with the guys at the unit. Normally he is done between 9:15 and 9:30 and home by about 9:45 at the latest. Well tonight, the girls and I are having fun making cookies and just being like girls will be, homework and stuff like that, when 1, 2, 3 cops go flying down the road in front of our house, sirens blazing going no less than 90 mph. I look at the clock because I know it is getting close to time for Jimmy to be heading home, and it is 9:30. The cops are flying toward the direction of the prison. Then a firetruck and ambulance go flying by. The first thing I think is oh my gosh! Jimmy is on the bike, and I have his phone! It is just about time for him to be on his way and there is a very dangerous intersection between here and the prison and the worst flashes into my mind. Minutes start to crawl by, I am imagining horrible things, and it is taking every ounce of my being not to jump into the car and fly to the prison. All I can see is him laying in a road somewhere, his drivers license still has our old address on it, he doesn't have his phone, and doesn't have an insurance card on him (still with our old address on it too, I really need to fix that come to think of it). My heart starts racing, I can feel the nausea setting in. I start shaking thinking about what would I do if something was to happen to him. How would I survive without him. How empty would my life be, how would I explain to the girls that something happened to their daddy, he is their whole world (I am fighting back tears while I am typing this and reliving the entire thing). I am trying not to panic but time just isn't moving fast enough for me and I have no way of knowing if the person I love more than anything is ok or not. So I wait...time ticks by more slowly than it has ever ticked by before in the history of time. 9:45 comes and still nothing, 9:50 and I am almost beside myself with worry and I hear a careflight helocopter go by. Now I am about to loose my mind and just burst into tears. I calm down, get a glass of water and call the prison to see if he left yet, if they say yes just a minute ago, we are good, if they say he left a while ago, it is time for me to make the longest drive of my life. They say that all of the volunteers are still there at the unit. I almost cried with joy, I explained to them that I am not some crazy wife, that all of these cops went flying that way, he was on the bike, no phone and I could tell that she totally understood and reassured me that he was ok and still there, count didn't clear. Needless to say, I felt so much better, I could have cried with joy at that moment.
I can honestly say that I have never been so worried about someone in my life. It is moments like this that make you realize just how much you love someone. How much your whole world revolves around them. How important they are to you. So many people worry so much about their posessions and don't really care about the people around them. In that moment, I realized just how much I really do love him and don't know how I could live without him. Him and I have a saying, "I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow" (then I found out there was a song that said it, and I said they stole it from me, but it turns out it was written long before I was born, but it is still MY saying). That saying was never more true than it was tonight for me.
Jimmy goes to the prison every Friday night to do our bible study with the guys at the unit. Normally he is done between 9:15 and 9:30 and home by about 9:45 at the latest. Well tonight, the girls and I are having fun making cookies and just being like girls will be, homework and stuff like that, when 1, 2, 3 cops go flying down the road in front of our house, sirens blazing going no less than 90 mph. I look at the clock because I know it is getting close to time for Jimmy to be heading home, and it is 9:30. The cops are flying toward the direction of the prison. Then a firetruck and ambulance go flying by. The first thing I think is oh my gosh! Jimmy is on the bike, and I have his phone! It is just about time for him to be on his way and there is a very dangerous intersection between here and the prison and the worst flashes into my mind. Minutes start to crawl by, I am imagining horrible things, and it is taking every ounce of my being not to jump into the car and fly to the prison. All I can see is him laying in a road somewhere, his drivers license still has our old address on it, he doesn't have his phone, and doesn't have an insurance card on him (still with our old address on it too, I really need to fix that come to think of it). My heart starts racing, I can feel the nausea setting in. I start shaking thinking about what would I do if something was to happen to him. How would I survive without him. How empty would my life be, how would I explain to the girls that something happened to their daddy, he is their whole world (I am fighting back tears while I am typing this and reliving the entire thing). I am trying not to panic but time just isn't moving fast enough for me and I have no way of knowing if the person I love more than anything is ok or not. So I wait...time ticks by more slowly than it has ever ticked by before in the history of time. 9:45 comes and still nothing, 9:50 and I am almost beside myself with worry and I hear a careflight helocopter go by. Now I am about to loose my mind and just burst into tears. I calm down, get a glass of water and call the prison to see if he left yet, if they say yes just a minute ago, we are good, if they say he left a while ago, it is time for me to make the longest drive of my life. They say that all of the volunteers are still there at the unit. I almost cried with joy, I explained to them that I am not some crazy wife, that all of these cops went flying that way, he was on the bike, no phone and I could tell that she totally understood and reassured me that he was ok and still there, count didn't clear. Needless to say, I felt so much better, I could have cried with joy at that moment.
I can honestly say that I have never been so worried about someone in my life. It is moments like this that make you realize just how much you love someone. How much your whole world revolves around them. How important they are to you. So many people worry so much about their posessions and don't really care about the people around them. In that moment, I realized just how much I really do love him and don't know how I could live without him. Him and I have a saying, "I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow" (then I found out there was a song that said it, and I said they stole it from me, but it turns out it was written long before I was born, but it is still MY saying). That saying was never more true than it was tonight for me.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Introductions
Hello! I have decided to start this over again, a new start and since no one read the previous posts, I deleted them, my blog and I can do what I want ;)
So here are my introductions to my life with a few pics so that as I go further along, you will know who I am talking about.
This is me and the love of my life, my wonderful husband of 6 years (as of 5 days ago). He is the most wonderful husband in the whole world. He is my support system and I don't know what I would do without him. Together we have our own business and ministry, we are both ordained pastors and do everything for God's glory. As you can tell, I am just a little proud of my hunny bunny.
This, is Haley, yes she is going to be mad at me for using this picture, but it totally describes the thinking of a 16 year old, the oldest child of 6. The look says it all. But in reality, she is a great kid, we are getting ready to go through getting her license (I am far to young to have a kid driving!). She gets straight A's is taking 2 college credit classes, she does community service with her school and is already working toward getting scholarships so we don't have to pay for college for her! I couldn't be more proud of her if she was biologically my own.
This is Taylor (Tae), she is 12 and just moved in with us this summer, she is a person all of her own. Very headstrong and outspoken, not afraid to tell you what she thinks. She has the biggest heart for the underdog I have ever seen in a 12 year old. Since moving in here with us, she has blossomed into such a great person, I can't wait to watch her grow up into a great woman.
This is Rebecca, she is 11 and is the biggest ham! She sees a camera and automatically strikes the goofiest poses. She is such an amazing kid, I love her with all my heart, I have never met anyone like her. She has never met a stranger (yes that impresses and terrifies me at the same time) and she loves everyone she has ever met. And smart! Man is this girl smart! But blonde! She cracks me up with some of the things that she says, trust me, you will understand as this blog goes further in detail.
This is my Sam-a-lam-a-ding-dong (she hates it, but secretly loves it when I call her that). She is 8 going on 30. This kid is soemthing else, she loves to be loved, she always wants to be hugging, kissing, be carried, sit on top of, hang off of, be under your feet so that she knows that you are close by, loving and be loved kind of kid. The most famous Sam quote "I love dolphins" just randomly shouted out at the strangest times. I love this girl!
Introducing Sierra. She is 4 and thinks that she is much older than she is. She loves to be the little mommy. There is such a big personality in such a little body. Her favorite thing to do is to sing and dance. She would sing all day long if you let her. She love hugs and kisses, but doesn't like strangers. She loves baseball and absolutely loves Captain, the Ranger's mascot.
Introducing, Ella Bella. She is 3 and our last baby. What can I say about this little angel baby? No matter what mood you are in, when she looks at you and smiles, the whole room lights up and everything that has been bothering you just melts away in those baby blue eyes. She is such a sweet baby. Her whole world revolves around Veggietales, music, dancing, dressing up and running around screaming at the top of her lungs. She is the one who makes sure that the house is not clean and not quiet at all times, but I don't know what I would do without her, life would be so dull.
So this is my world. My life, my heart. My reason for living, breathing and getting up every day. My heart never knew it could hold so much joy and love in it. My days are long and some seem to never end, some are hectic, some days it seems like I haven't done anything at all. Some days I am doing good to just get out of bed and get the kids dressed (or myself for that matter as I type this in my pj's), and others everything seems to just go right, up, house clean, all things taken care of for the day and the kids go down to bed early so my hunny and I can watch a move (rare days). But to be totally honest, I wouldn't trade even the worst day for anything in the world.
So here are my introductions to my life with a few pics so that as I go further along, you will know who I am talking about.
This is me and the love of my life, my wonderful husband of 6 years (as of 5 days ago). He is the most wonderful husband in the whole world. He is my support system and I don't know what I would do without him. Together we have our own business and ministry, we are both ordained pastors and do everything for God's glory. As you can tell, I am just a little proud of my hunny bunny.
This, is Haley, yes she is going to be mad at me for using this picture, but it totally describes the thinking of a 16 year old, the oldest child of 6. The look says it all. But in reality, she is a great kid, we are getting ready to go through getting her license (I am far to young to have a kid driving!). She gets straight A's is taking 2 college credit classes, she does community service with her school and is already working toward getting scholarships so we don't have to pay for college for her! I couldn't be more proud of her if she was biologically my own.
This is Taylor (Tae), she is 12 and just moved in with us this summer, she is a person all of her own. Very headstrong and outspoken, not afraid to tell you what she thinks. She has the biggest heart for the underdog I have ever seen in a 12 year old. Since moving in here with us, she has blossomed into such a great person, I can't wait to watch her grow up into a great woman.
This is my Sam-a-lam-a-ding-dong (she hates it, but secretly loves it when I call her that). She is 8 going on 30. This kid is soemthing else, she loves to be loved, she always wants to be hugging, kissing, be carried, sit on top of, hang off of, be under your feet so that she knows that you are close by, loving and be loved kind of kid. The most famous Sam quote "I love dolphins" just randomly shouted out at the strangest times. I love this girl!
Introducing, Ella Bella. She is 3 and our last baby. What can I say about this little angel baby? No matter what mood you are in, when she looks at you and smiles, the whole room lights up and everything that has been bothering you just melts away in those baby blue eyes. She is such a sweet baby. Her whole world revolves around Veggietales, music, dancing, dressing up and running around screaming at the top of her lungs. She is the one who makes sure that the house is not clean and not quiet at all times, but I don't know what I would do without her, life would be so dull.
So this is my world. My life, my heart. My reason for living, breathing and getting up every day. My heart never knew it could hold so much joy and love in it. My days are long and some seem to never end, some are hectic, some days it seems like I haven't done anything at all. Some days I am doing good to just get out of bed and get the kids dressed (or myself for that matter as I type this in my pj's), and others everything seems to just go right, up, house clean, all things taken care of for the day and the kids go down to bed early so my hunny and I can watch a move (rare days). But to be totally honest, I wouldn't trade even the worst day for anything in the world.
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