Tonight I had the scare of my life. There are moments where you think the worst, and then there are moments where you fear the worst in the pit of your stomach so strongly that you could throw up just to make it go away. I had one of the latter tonight.
Jimmy goes to the prison every Friday night to do our bible study with the guys at the unit. Normally he is done between 9:15 and 9:30 and home by about 9:45 at the latest. Well tonight, the girls and I are having fun making cookies and just being like girls will be, homework and stuff like that, when 1, 2, 3 cops go flying down the road in front of our house, sirens blazing going no less than 90 mph. I look at the clock because I know it is getting close to time for Jimmy to be heading home, and it is 9:30. The cops are flying toward the direction of the prison. Then a firetruck and ambulance go flying by. The first thing I think is oh my gosh! Jimmy is on the bike, and I have his phone! It is just about time for him to be on his way and there is a very dangerous intersection between here and the prison and the worst flashes into my mind. Minutes start to crawl by, I am imagining horrible things, and it is taking every ounce of my being not to jump into the car and fly to the prison. All I can see is him laying in a road somewhere, his drivers license still has our old address on it, he doesn't have his phone, and doesn't have an insurance card on him (still with our old address on it too, I really need to fix that come to think of it). My heart starts racing, I can feel the nausea setting in. I start shaking thinking about what would I do if something was to happen to him. How would I survive without him. How empty would my life be, how would I explain to the girls that something happened to their daddy, he is their whole world (I am fighting back tears while I am typing this and reliving the entire thing). I am trying not to panic but time just isn't moving fast enough for me and I have no way of knowing if the person I love more than anything is ok or not. So I wait...time ticks by more slowly than it has ever ticked by before in the history of time. 9:45 comes and still nothing, 9:50 and I am almost beside myself with worry and I hear a careflight helocopter go by. Now I am about to loose my mind and just burst into tears. I calm down, get a glass of water and call the prison to see if he left yet, if they say yes just a minute ago, we are good, if they say he left a while ago, it is time for me to make the longest drive of my life. They say that all of the volunteers are still there at the unit. I almost cried with joy, I explained to them that I am not some crazy wife, that all of these cops went flying that way, he was on the bike, no phone and I could tell that she totally understood and reassured me that he was ok and still there, count didn't clear. Needless to say, I felt so much better, I could have cried with joy at that moment.
I can honestly say that I have never been so worried about someone in my life. It is moments like this that make you realize just how much you love someone. How much your whole world revolves around them. How important they are to you. So many people worry so much about their posessions and don't really care about the people around them. In that moment, I realized just how much I really do love him and don't know how I could live without him. Him and I have a saying, "I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow" (then I found out there was a song that said it, and I said they stole it from me, but it turns out it was written long before I was born, but it is still MY saying). That saying was never more true than it was tonight for me.