There is something missing, I just don't fully know what it is yet. I have a great life, a wonderful husband, 6 beautiful kids (who I love dearly but want to strangle on a daily basis), I do all of the background work for our electrical business, and I help with our ministry. My days are full and sometimes don't end until way after a normal bedtime, and sometimes begin before the sun comes up. I have a full life, but something is missing. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something is definitely missing.
I play with my kids and clean my house (sometimes not as well as I should I admit, but sometimes the playing with my kids is way more important than my clean house, sorry that's just the way it is in my eyes, and if you don't like it, make sure to call at least a day before you plan on coming over because otherwise you are likely to find clothes piled on the couch to be put away, toys on the floor and some smooshed cereal under the table with the bowls on the table from breakfast as we are starting lunch. But my kids are happy and loved.), I keep up with school schedules, work on homework, go to meetings and concerts, make weekly trips to the food bank for our ministry, have weekly support groups for our ministry, clean the church, and do what I can to keep our house running smoothly (as smooth as it can run considering all we do and how crazy we are). I forget things from time to time, but nothing really important (that stuff stays on my phone calendar). I try to return phone calls and emails, but sometimes I don't. Sorry if I have ignored a phone call or email or message or something from you, it wasn't intentional, and if I don't get back to you within a day or so, send it again or call again, or text again.
I do all of this and say all of this to show that my life is full, but there is something missing. I have been trying to figure it out for the past few days and I have come to the conclusion that I need to do something for me. I am what is missing. If you look back on what I have written in the previous paragraphs, nowhere did I say that I sit and read a book, or I take a long hot bubble bath, or that I do any projects that I like to do. I have realized that I am missing in my life. Beth is missing, and I need to find her. What has replaced her is mom and wife, and Beth is calling to me trying to get me to find her. She is lost out there in mommyhood and wifedom, she is falling deeper and deeper and she misses being here. She misses loving her kids and her husband and all that she does.
Beth misses making things, she misses going out with her friends to lunch to laugh, to cry, to make fun of the people at the next table who don't match or have crazy hair. She misses getting her nails done, she misses...she just misses existing.
So many times in life you get so caught up in what you are, that you forget who you are. It is important to always remember who you are. What makes you, you. As a wife, it is easy to get so cought up in being a wife, always doing for your husband, making sure all of his needs are met, that you do whatever you have to do to make him happy. Then as a mom, your whole life revolves around your children, when they get up, when they go to bed, when they do all of their firsts, making sure their needs are met. You tend to forget that you still exist. It is like you start to fade away and you are no longer Beth, you are mom, or wife. Every once in a while it is time to take a step back and remember who you are.
I am Beth, I love to crochet, sew, bake, play on the computer, read books, take long baths with candles while reading and listening to music. I love to dance all crazy around my house while I clean to music that I don't even understand because it is so loud. I love my friends, to go out to lunch, to get my nails done. I love to just sit and watch movies when it rains all covered up in a blanket while in my pj's.
Who are you? Not what are you, but who are you?