I'm baaaaack

I know I know, I said I would update better this time, but you know how it goes, time gets away from you, kids grow, vacation time starts and ends, school starts again, holidays come and go and still time keeps on going, how does that happen?  In the blink of an eye your little babies are starting kindergarten, one is graduating this year and all you can do is look back and sigh at how fast time is passing.
Just a little update, my grandpa did pass away on April 29, 2012.  It was extremely difficult, and very painful just like I knew it was.  Some family grew closer together and some grew further apart.  Some blame was thrown around and finally with some time, things have calmed down and are starting to get back to normal.  It was no ones fault, no one is to blame, it just happens when someone you love dearly passes away and all you can do is wait for more time to pass so things can be ok again, even though they are never back to 100%.
This year has brought a lot of changes, Haley started her senior year, although it wasn't like she ever ended her junior and started her senior year.  She spent the first week of summer at Disney with band, the next 5 weeks at college, and the rest of the summer at the high school doing community service, meetings and work up at the school getting it ready for this school year, so like I said, she never really stopped school this summer.
Taylor started 8th grade this year.  She is starting vollyball this year.  Her summer was spent the way any kid spends summer, laying around, sleeping all day, staying up all night and watching TV continually.  The way I spent my summers.  You couldn't pay me to take college classes and do work all summer at the school.
Rebecca and Sam moved to Austin with their dad.  I still haven't fully come to terms with it.  This is really hard for me to not be there for their first day of school, to go to their meet the teacher day, not go to their performances or anything like that.  I am still very bitter and angry that my ex did that without talking to me about it.  I just take the time I can with them, at least I got to spend most of the summer with them, and now I am just waiting for their excited call after their first day of 7th and 5th grade to find out how much they love their teacher and how many new friends they made.
Sierra and Ella started homeschool kindergarten and pre-k today.  Our first day.  Got them up early, started working on the letter "A", they made angels, colored pictures, practiced writing the letter A, worked on other letters and we did about a half a day.  For the first day of school they did pretty good.  They were very attentive, worked really hard and were so excited when they did it right.  I wasn't sure about homeschooling them, I knew I wanted to, but I think I psyched myself out about it and I am so glad that I decided to do it because I would be missing out on the excitement of them drawing an A perfect for the very first time.  It is awesome to have total control of what they learn and how fast.  I think this is going to work!!
Jimmy and I celebrate 7 years married next month!  We are going away this weekend to San Antonio, he is surprising me with a night out just the two of us.  It is so important that we do this every once in a while.  It keeps us remembering what it was like before we had 6 kids around all the time (or most of the time anyway).  I think that is something that a lot of marriages lack, one on one time, time to be husband and wife, not mom and dad.
Well I better close for now, I am being poked with a pen by Sierra and Ella who have decided they have played enough and they want to do more school!  I will try to post more often.

Rejection

Have you ever been rejected?  Have you ever walked into a room and felt every single eye turn on you and feel your skin crawl?  Ever felt that when people came up to you and shook your hand and you saw the glazed look in their eye and knew that they would rather be anywhere than where they are at that moment.
Rejection comes in many forms, a guy you have a crush on in high school, a girl you think is cute in college, your friend doesn't want to be your friend anymore because you run with the "nerds" and they are now a "jock."  A church that looks down its nose at you because you have been to prison.  An employer who doesn't want to hire you because you have kids so you will take to many days off. 
Sometimes it is right there in front of your face, sometimes it comes from your own family and other times it comes from out of nowhere from no one you know.  What you do with it is what really matters.  Do you hang your head in shame because you have been rejected, or do you hold your head high and walk with purpose because you know deep down that the rejection has nothing to do with you and absolutely everything to do with them. 
The reason I am posting about this (after being away for what seems like forever sorry things have been crazy) is because a huge part of our ministry is dealing with people who have felt in one way or another that they are rejected or feel that they have been/are being rejected by society, the workforce, the church and just about everyone and they are at a point where they aren't sure which way to turn.  Tonight our youth coordinator got us in to speak at a church, Jimmy, and 2 members of our ministry gave their testimonies, and something that rang true in all 3 of their testimonies was the need to feel accepted, accepted by the "wrong crowd" they all turned to drugs or alcohol to be accepted by them, in turn being rejected by the "right crowd" and their family.  They have all turned their lives around for God, and have been accepted by our ministry family, and they have become a huge part of our ministry and family.
But the thing is, it is so fragile.  Sometimes it just takes the wrong word or look from someone to start a downward spiral, all stemming from rejection.  There are some people who will not think anything of it, and others who it will tug at your heart strings, and I really hope there are more of those that will feel for anyone who has been rejected than those who won't care.  My main reason for this is to raise awareness for anyone who has ever been rejected in their lives.  If I have ever made anyone feel that way, I truly apologize and sincerely hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
Have you ever made someone feel rejected?  Ever felt that way yourself?

Something missing...

There is something missing, I just don't fully know what it is yet.  I have a great life, a wonderful husband, 6 beautiful kids (who I love dearly but want to strangle on a daily basis), I do all of the background work for our electrical business, and I help with our ministry.  My days are full and sometimes don't end until way after a normal bedtime, and sometimes begin before the sun comes up.  I have a full life, but something is missing.  I can't quite put my finger on it, but something is definitely missing.
I play with my kids and clean my house (sometimes not as well as I should I admit, but sometimes the playing with my kids is way more important than my clean house, sorry that's just the way it is in my eyes, and if you don't like it, make sure to call at least a day before you plan on coming over because otherwise you are likely to find clothes piled on the couch to be put away, toys on the floor and some smooshed cereal under the table with the bowls on the table from breakfast as we are starting lunch.  But my kids are happy and loved.), I keep up with school schedules, work on homework, go to meetings and concerts, make weekly trips to the food bank for our ministry, have weekly support groups for our ministry, clean the church, and do what I can to keep our house running smoothly (as smooth as it can run considering all we do and how crazy we are).  I forget things from time to time, but nothing really important (that stuff stays on my phone calendar).  I try to return phone calls and emails, but sometimes I don't.  Sorry if I have ignored a phone call or email or message or something from you, it wasn't intentional, and if I don't get back to you within a day or so, send it again or call again, or text again.
I do all of this and say all of this to show that my life is full, but there is something missing.  I have been trying to figure it out for the past few days and I have come to the conclusion that I need to do something for me.  I am what is missing.  If you look back on what I have written in the previous paragraphs, nowhere did I say that I sit and read a book, or I take a long hot bubble bath, or that I do any projects that I like to do.  I have realized that I am missing in my life.  Beth is missing, and I need to find her.  What has replaced her is mom and wife, and Beth is calling to me trying to get me to find her.  She is lost out there in mommyhood and wifedom, she is falling deeper and deeper and she misses being here.  She misses loving her kids and her husband and all that she does.
Beth misses making things, she misses going out with her friends to lunch to laugh, to cry, to make fun of the people at the next table who don't match or have crazy hair.  She misses getting her nails done, she misses...she just misses existing.
So many times in life you get so caught up in what you are, that you forget who you are.  It is important to always remember who you are.  What makes you, you.  As a wife, it is easy to get so cought up in being a wife, always doing for your husband, making sure all of his needs are met, that you do whatever you have to do to make him happy.  Then as a mom, your whole life revolves around your children, when they get up, when they go to bed, when they do all of their firsts, making sure their needs are met.  You tend to forget that you still exist.  It is like you start to fade away and you are no longer Beth, you are mom, or wife.  Every once in a while it is time to take a step back and remember who you are.
I am Beth, I love to crochet, sew, bake, play on the computer, read books, take long baths with candles while reading and listening to music.  I love to dance all crazy around my house while I clean to music that I don't even understand because it is so loud.  I love my friends, to go out to lunch, to get my nails done.  I love to just sit and watch movies when it rains all covered up in a blanket while in my pj's. 

Who are you?  Not what are you, but who are you?

It's been a while...quick update

Wow, it has been a while since I posted on here, things have been a bit crazy, we have had so much going on.  It might be a while between posts until after Christmas and things settle down in my house.  I guess it is time to catch everyone up on what has been going on.

Our ladies in our ministry have really been stepping up and helping me with everything I have had going on, they have sorted clothes for our homeless outreach (some not so appealing, long story and I was sworn to secrecy), and had a lot of fun in the process.  We sorted through so many clothes that it started to turn some people (who shall remain nameless) a little crazy

  

Just me and my girls, having some serious fun.

That was before our canned food and toy drive.  The ladies of our ministry stepped up and combined with a few teenagers (and some of my kids) and spent two days in the cold collecting canned food, unwrapped toys and any donations for our Angel Tree party that people wanted to give.  All in all we did great!  We raised $300 in cash, two tables full of canned food and about 20 toys for our kids that we adopt.  If anyone would like to donate or learn more about Angel Tree check it out.

We had such a great time collecting things and I am so proud of what we were able to accomplish!  While at Walmart we had a guy walk by that we stopped and told him what we were doing, and he went into Walmart and when he came back out, he stopped by us and unloaded 6 bags, 3 of name brand toys (Disney Barbies and Hot Wheels) and 3 of name brand canned food items (Del Monte green beans, corn, Ocean Spray cranberry sauce) and put the cart away, he didn't have anything for himself.  That was the greatest experience out there.

This weekend we did a homeless outreach at Unity Park in Ft. Worth, this was our second time out there in a month.  We combined with Shilo Cowboy Church, Victory Family Church and Venus Key Club.  We went for the first time and had such a great experience that we had to come back again.  There are so many pics that it would take forever to post them all on here.  They are all on our ministry page www.facebook.com/noturningbackministry. 

Like I said so much has been going on and so much is getting ready to take place with our Angel Tree party, Christmas on the Square and all of our other Christmas things that are going on that I will try to post as often as I can.  Just thought I would pop in for a quick post!  Thanks everyone for getting me to 427 reads!!  You guys know you can follow me too right?  Can sign up using facebook to make it easier, I like having followers :)

My friend Dan Dugan

We just got a call today about a good friend of ours who had suddenly passed away.  We are still in shock, not quite sure about anything because all we know is that he passed away on Monday at his daughters house.  I am just glad he was at his daughters house, he loved his daughter so much.  I have never met her, but I feel like I know her.  My girls are going to miss him, they called him Uncle Dan, he always chewed on Ella's neck (she loved him so much), he brought suckers and tootsie rolls for Sierra, (she looks for him every week, she even likes to pretend that she doesn't like him just so he will chase her down and love on her).

Dan had such a gentle spirit about him, anytime you would ask him what was going on, he would always without fail say "Jesus!  Jesus is what is going on, do you know Jesus?"  There is no doubt in my mind that Dan is in glory with Jesus laughing and singing one of his many songs that he wrote for Him.  It just isn't going to be the same without him, it never is.  He was always the first to pray with or for someone, was never ashamed to lay hands on someone wherever he was at at the time.  I never heard him say anything negative about anyone ever.  He always had a smile and was one of the most postive persons I have ever known in my life.  He loved everyone, and he loved Jesus like none other. 

We met Dan about a year ago or so, we were doing a commercial on a local radio station and he heard it and came to check us out...and never left.  He became a permanent fixture at our support group and signed up for just about everything we had.  He had his own ministry, he published books with his amazing testimony in it, he had a couple of CDs out, and was huge on personal healing. 

I remember the last conversation I had with Dan.  I was telling him about my grandpa, that I was sad because he wasn't doing very well when I left him in San Antonio.  I told him that I know that he was ready to go, but I was selfish and I wanted to keep him for myself.  Dan told me that if he is ready to go, let him go.  I will see him again, and when God is ready to take him, or me or anyone, He is going to take them.  He gave me a big ol' Dan hug and said he would see me next week.  I sure will miss that old man.  I know that he is in a much better place, but I am selfish, I wasn't ready for him to go, I still had more of his stories to hear (even though he told the same ones quite often, mostly about his daughter and how much Ella looked and acted like her), more of his songs to listen to and learn, more ministry work to do with him, but I guess God decided he was ready for him, and so he did.

Dan, I sure will miss you and your great big smile.  I'm making mince meat pies for you next week, was already going to make them for Tuesday, but now I am dedicating them to you.

Christ For the Nations

Tonight we took our youth group to Christ For the Nations.  It was awesome!!  For those of you who don't know, Christ For the Nations is a bible college in Dallas.  They offer something called Tuesday Night Experience, they open the college for anyone who wants to come and listen to amazing worship music (a lot of the music graduates end up with awesome music careers in the Christian music industry), and awesome guest speakers who always give such a new look on things.

Tonight the guest speaker was from San Antonio, his name was Warren Beamer.  He had long hair, was originally from Lousiana, and was cracking jokes.  It was so nice to hear him talk about Jesus like he was his best friend. He was telling us about Luke 14:11, the story of the 10 lepers. Anyone who doesn't know this story, here is my paraphrase of the story.  Jesus is on the road and comes upon 10 men with leperacy.  They see Jesus and ask him to heal their leperacy, and He does, when He heals them He tells them to go tell the priest that they have been healed, so they run off to tell the priest, and one turns back and goes to Jesus and drops to the ground and hugs Jesus' feet and thanks him for healing him.  Jesus asks him "weren't there 10 of you?  Where did the other 9 go? Your faith has healed you."  And the man with leperacy goes and is completely healed.

Pastor Warren was explaining what the process of looking for leperacy was, how the doctors were more concerned with a small spot than someone who had a large spot becuase the large spot was the effect of your body fighting off the infection, and the person with the large spot knew that they were infected, they were very concerned with the person with the smallest spot because on the inside it was huge.  The same way that sin is in our lives, the person with the small sin doesn't think that they really need any help because it is something small, and they don't realize that there is anything festering inside their soul, and the person who is the addict, the prostitute, the alcoholic who sees that they have a problem that is huge realizes that they need the help.  It really hit home with a lot of the kids in our group who have come from homes with people who have the huge sin and realize they need the help.  He went on to explain that Jesus stopped what he was doing to heal 10 lepers.  If he would stop what he is doing to heal 10 people who have leperacy, why wouldn't he stop to help you?

I wish I could remember everything that was said, and if I can find the video online I will post it because it was an awesome message that hit home with a lot of our youth, and with some of the adults that went with us as well.  Hopefully some people took some of this home with them and will really put some thought into what was being said and how it effects their lives in a major way.

What a beautiful day!!!

Today was just an absolutely beautiful day!  It was georgeous outside, the sun was shining, the pancakes were flowing and the bees were buzzing.  Let me back up and explain. 

This morning, we took the family to Spiral Diner in Ft. Worth. 

For those of you who don't know, it is a vegan restaurant, the food is pricy, but it is worth it because it is GOOD.  Everything they serve is organic, most is local grown and everything is vegan.  We don't go there often because it is like an hour drive from us, and like I said it is kinda pricy when you are a family of our size.  But today we decided to splurge, every Sunday they do all you can eat pancakes for $5.95, so we hopped in the car this morning and headed to Ft. Worth.  When we got there the line took forever, but after about 45 minutes of waiting, we finally got to sit down (same table we always seem to get...hmmm.  Seeing as we went to have pancakes, that would be what you would think we would order right?  Nope, Sierra and Ella got the pancakes, Tae got broccoli and tofu, Jimmy got a nut burger, Haley got a portabello patty melt burget and I got a portabello burger.  So good!!!  Just not enough of it, but it wasn't as bad as we thought it was going to be.  So since we were already it Ft. Worth we decided that since it was such a beautiful day, that we would go to the Botanical Gardens, after all they were only like 5 minutes away, and it is much better than being cooped up in the house.

So we piled into the car and headed to the Botanical Gardens.  It was a great choice.  The fall colors were absolutely breathtaking.

Breathtakingly beautiful

Have you ever seen an evergreen tree not be green???

Sierra had to pose for this one, she picked which flower she wanted to smell in the picture

 

Ella wanted to smell the purple one because it was my favorite color.

Trying to get some good pics of the girls

I snuck this one when Haly wasn't looking

Sierra took a family picture, not bad for a 4 year old

After the Botanical Gardens we went to Coldstone Creamery and got some ice cream and then came home.  All in all today was a great day, no one took any phone calls (our phones were dead most of the day thanks to the newest iPhone update, and I am curerntly downloading what is supposed to fix it, hopefully it will because my battery is dying like crazy and I know I am not using it THAT much), and we just had a great family day.  Sometimes that is so needed, we get so busy in our day to day lives with work, ministry, school, housework that we forget how important it is to work on our family life.  Without our family life, nothing else matters.  It needs attention too, and I am so glad that we did that, it was needed.  So now the kids are in bed, Jimmy is on the computer in the office, I am finishing this up and then, I just might watch a scary movie (since all of my tv shows were reruns last week :( so I don't need to catch up on them) all by myself and pig out on some veggie straws (sooo good get them if you can find them).  Night all, see you soon!