Tonight I had the scare of my life. There are moments where you think the worst, and then there are moments where you fear the worst in the pit of your stomach so strongly that you could throw up just to make it go away. I had one of the latter tonight.
Jimmy goes to the prison every Friday night to do our bible study with the guys at the unit. Normally he is done between 9:15 and 9:30 and home by about 9:45 at the latest. Well tonight, the girls and I are having fun making cookies and just being like girls will be, homework and stuff like that, when 1, 2, 3 cops go flying down the road in front of our house, sirens blazing going no less than 90 mph. I look at the clock because I know it is getting close to time for Jimmy to be heading home, and it is 9:30. The cops are flying toward the direction of the prison. Then a firetruck and ambulance go flying by. The first thing I think is oh my gosh! Jimmy is on the bike, and I have his phone! It is just about time for him to be on his way and there is a very dangerous intersection between here and the prison and the worst flashes into my mind. Minutes start to crawl by, I am imagining horrible things, and it is taking every ounce of my being not to jump into the car and fly to the prison. All I can see is him laying in a road somewhere, his drivers license still has our old address on it, he doesn't have his phone, and doesn't have an insurance card on him (still with our old address on it too, I really need to fix that come to think of it). My heart starts racing, I can feel the nausea setting in. I start shaking thinking about what would I do if something was to happen to him. How would I survive without him. How empty would my life be, how would I explain to the girls that something happened to their daddy, he is their whole world (I am fighting back tears while I am typing this and reliving the entire thing). I am trying not to panic but time just isn't moving fast enough for me and I have no way of knowing if the person I love more than anything is ok or not. So I wait...time ticks by more slowly than it has ever ticked by before in the history of time. 9:45 comes and still nothing, 9:50 and I am almost beside myself with worry and I hear a careflight helocopter go by. Now I am about to loose my mind and just burst into tears. I calm down, get a glass of water and call the prison to see if he left yet, if they say yes just a minute ago, we are good, if they say he left a while ago, it is time for me to make the longest drive of my life. They say that all of the volunteers are still there at the unit. I almost cried with joy, I explained to them that I am not some crazy wife, that all of these cops went flying that way, he was on the bike, no phone and I could tell that she totally understood and reassured me that he was ok and still there, count didn't clear. Needless to say, I felt so much better, I could have cried with joy at that moment.
I can honestly say that I have never been so worried about someone in my life. It is moments like this that make you realize just how much you love someone. How much your whole world revolves around them. How important they are to you. So many people worry so much about their posessions and don't really care about the people around them. In that moment, I realized just how much I really do love him and don't know how I could live without him. Him and I have a saying, "I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow" (then I found out there was a song that said it, and I said they stole it from me, but it turns out it was written long before I was born, but it is still MY saying). That saying was never more true than it was tonight for me.
My beautiful Family
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Rain, glorious rain
Who knew that when I posted about how awful and hot, and dry and just yucky it is, that the very next night we would get rain?! How exciting it is, and how desperately needed. Of course it didn't rain enough to get us out of the extreme drought conditions we are in, but it was enough to get everyone excited about it.
I have been working at putting Sierra and Ella to bed at a decent hour (yes I know 3 and 4 year olds should already be on a schedule, don't get me started on this subject or we will be here for a looooong time), and by themselves. Normally the way our night goes is kinda like this.
10:00pm - Me: "girls, it's bedtime, lets get your pj's on and start getting ready for bed!!"
Sierra and Ella: *poof* nowhere to be found
10:30pm - Me: "girls, come on, it is time for bed!"
Sierra and Ella: acquire the ability to become invisible
11:00pm - Me: "IT IS BEDTIME, GET IN YOUR ROOM NOW!!!!!!!!" find girls, drag them kicking and screaming to their room, read bedtime story after fighting over who's turn it is to read a story and which story to read, read story, decide if they want their blankets covering them or around them, turn on fan, turn off light, I sit on floor of room with my iPad/iPhone watching something on Netflix or playing a game while they go to sleep.
12:30am/1:00am - girls are finally asleep so I can take care of whatever last minute thing I have to take care of and at about 2:00am I drag myself to bed and depending on the day I am either up at 6:00am to take Haley to school, or 9:30ish when the girls decide they are going to be wide awake and ready to run circles around me and our day begins.
So with that being said, 2 nights ago, I decided it was time to transition to them going to sleep in their rooms by themselves, Haley needed help with her homework that was due at midnight that night (college class), I couldn't do it with the girls running around I needed to concentrate. So I put them to bed, explained that it was time to go to sleep, I had to take care of some things and I would be in the kitchen. IT WORKED!!!! They went to sleep by themselves without so much as a peep!!!!! The next night, I did the same thing, and it worked again! I feel like a pro at this now, no screaming, no fits, no coming out of the room a million times asking for something! I got this down!!!
WRONG!!! This absolutely wonderful beautiful storm, destroyed my work...The thunder terrified Sierra, it was to bright with the lightening and the thunder was to loud for Ella (who hates anything louder than someone talking). They did not want to go to sleep. My poor babies were scared and it took everything in me not to go back to sitting in their room until they fell asleep because I don't like when my babies are scared. So I did the next best thing. I sat down with them and explained how God made the rain, and God only makes good things right? He made them and me, and then they start getting excited to name off all of the things God makes (including their toys and clothes and pets). I then explained in a way that only God could have told me to explain it, why it rains, why we shouldn't be scared, how important it is, how the sound of thunder sounds like God clapping or going bowling. But I didn't explain it away. I didn't explain how the thunder was God bowling, I didn't take away from what was happening, I just explained it in a way that I have never done before and could never do again. Before I explained it to them, they were scared of the thunder, afraid of the storm, but when I took that 5 minutes to really explain what was happening and why it was ok, why it was good and why it was important that it was happening, they went right to sleep and weren't afraid anymore.
Leave it to God to teach a lesson using the rain. A lesson not only to a 3 and 4 year old, but to me as well. A lesson about how sometimes it is ok to be afraid, and sometimes you can't explain away your fear by making something up, but by holding onto the truth that is so much stronger than the pretty dolled up explanation like "the thunder is God bowling, or the lightening is God taking pictures" Sometimes, the answer is just that simple, "The thunder sounds like God bowling, and the lightening looks like God taking pictures, but it really isn't. God made the raid to help the plants grow, they were so thirsty that God made it rain so they wouldn't be thirsty anymore. The rain is so good, and God only makes good things right?"
I have been working at putting Sierra and Ella to bed at a decent hour (yes I know 3 and 4 year olds should already be on a schedule, don't get me started on this subject or we will be here for a looooong time), and by themselves. Normally the way our night goes is kinda like this.
10:00pm - Me: "girls, it's bedtime, lets get your pj's on and start getting ready for bed!!"
Sierra and Ella: *poof* nowhere to be found
10:30pm - Me: "girls, come on, it is time for bed!"
Sierra and Ella: acquire the ability to become invisible
11:00pm - Me: "IT IS BEDTIME, GET IN YOUR ROOM NOW!!!!!!!!" find girls, drag them kicking and screaming to their room, read bedtime story after fighting over who's turn it is to read a story and which story to read, read story, decide if they want their blankets covering them or around them, turn on fan, turn off light, I sit on floor of room with my iPad/iPhone watching something on Netflix or playing a game while they go to sleep.
12:30am/1:00am - girls are finally asleep so I can take care of whatever last minute thing I have to take care of and at about 2:00am I drag myself to bed and depending on the day I am either up at 6:00am to take Haley to school, or 9:30ish when the girls decide they are going to be wide awake and ready to run circles around me and our day begins.
So with that being said, 2 nights ago, I decided it was time to transition to them going to sleep in their rooms by themselves, Haley needed help with her homework that was due at midnight that night (college class), I couldn't do it with the girls running around I needed to concentrate. So I put them to bed, explained that it was time to go to sleep, I had to take care of some things and I would be in the kitchen. IT WORKED!!!! They went to sleep by themselves without so much as a peep!!!!! The next night, I did the same thing, and it worked again! I feel like a pro at this now, no screaming, no fits, no coming out of the room a million times asking for something! I got this down!!!
WRONG!!! This absolutely wonderful beautiful storm, destroyed my work...The thunder terrified Sierra, it was to bright with the lightening and the thunder was to loud for Ella (who hates anything louder than someone talking). They did not want to go to sleep. My poor babies were scared and it took everything in me not to go back to sitting in their room until they fell asleep because I don't like when my babies are scared. So I did the next best thing. I sat down with them and explained how God made the rain, and God only makes good things right? He made them and me, and then they start getting excited to name off all of the things God makes (including their toys and clothes and pets). I then explained in a way that only God could have told me to explain it, why it rains, why we shouldn't be scared, how important it is, how the sound of thunder sounds like God clapping or going bowling. But I didn't explain it away. I didn't explain how the thunder was God bowling, I didn't take away from what was happening, I just explained it in a way that I have never done before and could never do again. Before I explained it to them, they were scared of the thunder, afraid of the storm, but when I took that 5 minutes to really explain what was happening and why it was ok, why it was good and why it was important that it was happening, they went right to sleep and weren't afraid anymore.
Leave it to God to teach a lesson using the rain. A lesson not only to a 3 and 4 year old, but to me as well. A lesson about how sometimes it is ok to be afraid, and sometimes you can't explain away your fear by making something up, but by holding onto the truth that is so much stronger than the pretty dolled up explanation like "the thunder is God bowling, or the lightening is God taking pictures" Sometimes, the answer is just that simple, "The thunder sounds like God bowling, and the lightening looks like God taking pictures, but it really isn't. God made the raid to help the plants grow, they were so thirsty that God made it rain so they wouldn't be thirsty anymore. The rain is so good, and God only makes good things right?"
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Yard Work
Yes, you read it right. Yard work, I have decided that yard work and I have a love/hate relationship. I love doing yard work, it is fun and tiring and rewarding to see your beautiful yard when you have slaved in the heat and been scratched and dirt is so thick under your nails that you would think you have things growing under them (your own walking personal garden). But boy is it exhausting!
We moved into our new house almost 2 months ago, and I am more in love with it now than I was the first few times I looked at it, I was so excited about the potential for my own garden (not the one under the nails, but a real garden to grow veggies and stuff, I mean how hard can it be, everyone I know seems to have a garden, I guess we will see how hard it really is next spring), planting flowers, bushes and trimming trees and all things out-doorsey that was calling my name gave me spring fever. Well let me tell you, spring fever in the summer in Texas is not a good thing to have, and I am so not the only one in this house that has been bitten by the spring fever out-doorsey bug. My wonderful husband has been bit as well, as has Haley, Sierra and Ella. At our old house, we didn't have trees...well let me reiterate, we did have trees, they were Bradford pear trees that were so far away from the house that they were pointless to even have. We didn't have grass, we had these weed things that if you weren't careful they would eat anything on the ground, and nothing you could do would make it go away so you dealt with it and pretended it was grass. The girls were dying to go outside and play, but there was no shade or anything to allow them to go outside and play. Let me put it to you this way, I took Sierra by our old house not long after we moved in here just to pick up the last few things we had over there, and she flipped out because this was not her house, this was our old house and we didn't live here anymore! And she made sure I knew that we were in the wrong place. Now don't get me wrong, we LOVE our old house, it was great, it was beautiful and had a great open floor plan and room and it was a wonderful house, but we outgrew it, we bought it when it was just 6 of us, and 4 bedrooms was perfect and then...we had 2 more and that house became really really small really really quickly.
So anyway, back to my yard work (bear with me, I tend to drift from time to time, I think all the years of pregnancy and raising kids has given me permanent brain damage). Our new house has all kinds of trees, but since we live in Texas, just about everything died, and I don't just mean they stopped growing leaves, I mean 115 degree temperature walk outside to water and you might just have heatstroke so everything becomes so dry and dead that if you look at it funny, it just might burst into flames and Lord help us if someone throws a cigarette butt out the window, that will cause a fire the likes of which you have never seen (there should be a number to report people who do that!). So at the entryway of our driveway is this beautiful (used to be in the spring until we hit record highs for a record time frame and rain just laughs and us and teases us for 4 months by lightening and clouding up and then leaving) archway of trees, no clue what kind, but they were beautiful, full and green. Now, they are scary looking and missing half their leaves because they died and what leaves are there are just this ugly brown color. So we do what anyone does who has spring fever, we get pruning sheers and start getting rid of the branches and raking the leaves and watering some bushes (no clue what kind, but they have purple flowers which automatically makes them my favorite bush in the world) to hopefully nurse them back to life...but the catch is, it is still summer temperatures in Texas, so we do all of this when the sun goes down. Luckily we don't have neighbors on that side of the house, or I am sure they would think that we are insane, but all 6 of us are outside until about 11:00 at night cutting branches, raking, loading it in the back of the truck taking it to the back of the field in hopes that one day we might get to burn again, or the city might do a limb pick up or something, anything to get them away from where people might see them and it might take away from the beauty that is our brand new (to us) house.
So now we get to the hate part of our relationship. I HATE loading limbs into the back of the truck, driving for 30 seconds and unloading for hours on end. I HATE looking at my kids who are so filthy they look like homeless children and I have to scrub the bathtub after a bath because it is so nasty from the mud and dirt and grime (and yes they have their own personal gardens under their nails too), I HATE sweating and being scratched by branches and bit by ants and mosquitoes.
Would I trade it for anything? Nope, how could anyone trade the looks on these beautiful homeless looking kids who are so exhausted they can barely keep their eyes open, but are so excited about making our new house beautiful, and playing outside and riding their trikes and scooters and running and playing with sidewalk chalk and laughing and then falling asleep so excited to get to do it all over again tomorrow. I guess I love more than I hate about the yard work, so tomorrow night, regardless of how tired I am, I will again take all of the kids out, leave the electronics in the house (oh yeah, no phones, computers, anything are allowed during our yard work times), and just get back to nature, the way God intended it, just us taking away the dead and dirty parts and throwing them away so that the new can come forward.
We moved into our new house almost 2 months ago, and I am more in love with it now than I was the first few times I looked at it, I was so excited about the potential for my own garden (not the one under the nails, but a real garden to grow veggies and stuff, I mean how hard can it be, everyone I know seems to have a garden, I guess we will see how hard it really is next spring), planting flowers, bushes and trimming trees and all things out-doorsey that was calling my name gave me spring fever. Well let me tell you, spring fever in the summer in Texas is not a good thing to have, and I am so not the only one in this house that has been bitten by the spring fever out-doorsey bug. My wonderful husband has been bit as well, as has Haley, Sierra and Ella. At our old house, we didn't have trees...well let me reiterate, we did have trees, they were Bradford pear trees that were so far away from the house that they were pointless to even have. We didn't have grass, we had these weed things that if you weren't careful they would eat anything on the ground, and nothing you could do would make it go away so you dealt with it and pretended it was grass. The girls were dying to go outside and play, but there was no shade or anything to allow them to go outside and play. Let me put it to you this way, I took Sierra by our old house not long after we moved in here just to pick up the last few things we had over there, and she flipped out because this was not her house, this was our old house and we didn't live here anymore! And she made sure I knew that we were in the wrong place. Now don't get me wrong, we LOVE our old house, it was great, it was beautiful and had a great open floor plan and room and it was a wonderful house, but we outgrew it, we bought it when it was just 6 of us, and 4 bedrooms was perfect and then...we had 2 more and that house became really really small really really quickly.
So anyway, back to my yard work (bear with me, I tend to drift from time to time, I think all the years of pregnancy and raising kids has given me permanent brain damage). Our new house has all kinds of trees, but since we live in Texas, just about everything died, and I don't just mean they stopped growing leaves, I mean 115 degree temperature walk outside to water and you might just have heatstroke so everything becomes so dry and dead that if you look at it funny, it just might burst into flames and Lord help us if someone throws a cigarette butt out the window, that will cause a fire the likes of which you have never seen (there should be a number to report people who do that!). So at the entryway of our driveway is this beautiful (used to be in the spring until we hit record highs for a record time frame and rain just laughs and us and teases us for 4 months by lightening and clouding up and then leaving) archway of trees, no clue what kind, but they were beautiful, full and green. Now, they are scary looking and missing half their leaves because they died and what leaves are there are just this ugly brown color. So we do what anyone does who has spring fever, we get pruning sheers and start getting rid of the branches and raking the leaves and watering some bushes (no clue what kind, but they have purple flowers which automatically makes them my favorite bush in the world) to hopefully nurse them back to life...but the catch is, it is still summer temperatures in Texas, so we do all of this when the sun goes down. Luckily we don't have neighbors on that side of the house, or I am sure they would think that we are insane, but all 6 of us are outside until about 11:00 at night cutting branches, raking, loading it in the back of the truck taking it to the back of the field in hopes that one day we might get to burn again, or the city might do a limb pick up or something, anything to get them away from where people might see them and it might take away from the beauty that is our brand new (to us) house.
So now we get to the hate part of our relationship. I HATE loading limbs into the back of the truck, driving for 30 seconds and unloading for hours on end. I HATE looking at my kids who are so filthy they look like homeless children and I have to scrub the bathtub after a bath because it is so nasty from the mud and dirt and grime (and yes they have their own personal gardens under their nails too), I HATE sweating and being scratched by branches and bit by ants and mosquitoes.
Would I trade it for anything? Nope, how could anyone trade the looks on these beautiful homeless looking kids who are so exhausted they can barely keep their eyes open, but are so excited about making our new house beautiful, and playing outside and riding their trikes and scooters and running and playing with sidewalk chalk and laughing and then falling asleep so excited to get to do it all over again tomorrow. I guess I love more than I hate about the yard work, so tomorrow night, regardless of how tired I am, I will again take all of the kids out, leave the electronics in the house (oh yeah, no phones, computers, anything are allowed during our yard work times), and just get back to nature, the way God intended it, just us taking away the dead and dirty parts and throwing them away so that the new can come forward.
(my two beautiful "homeless" children before their bath and crashing for the night, the biggest love of yard work)
Monday, September 26, 2011
Introductions
Hello! I have decided to start this over again, a new start and since no one read the previous posts, I deleted them, my blog and I can do what I want ;)
So here are my introductions to my life with a few pics so that as I go further along, you will know who I am talking about.
This is me and the love of my life, my wonderful husband of 6 years (as of 5 days ago). He is the most wonderful husband in the whole world. He is my support system and I don't know what I would do without him. Together we have our own business and ministry, we are both ordained pastors and do everything for God's glory. As you can tell, I am just a little proud of my hunny bunny.
This, is Haley, yes she is going to be mad at me for using this picture, but it totally describes the thinking of a 16 year old, the oldest child of 6. The look says it all. But in reality, she is a great kid, we are getting ready to go through getting her license (I am far to young to have a kid driving!). She gets straight A's is taking 2 college credit classes, she does community service with her school and is already working toward getting scholarships so we don't have to pay for college for her! I couldn't be more proud of her if she was biologically my own.
This is Taylor (Tae), she is 12 and just moved in with us this summer, she is a person all of her own. Very headstrong and outspoken, not afraid to tell you what she thinks. She has the biggest heart for the underdog I have ever seen in a 12 year old. Since moving in here with us, she has blossomed into such a great person, I can't wait to watch her grow up into a great woman.
This is Rebecca, she is 11 and is the biggest ham! She sees a camera and automatically strikes the goofiest poses. She is such an amazing kid, I love her with all my heart, I have never met anyone like her. She has never met a stranger (yes that impresses and terrifies me at the same time) and she loves everyone she has ever met. And smart! Man is this girl smart! But blonde! She cracks me up with some of the things that she says, trust me, you will understand as this blog goes further in detail.
This is my Sam-a-lam-a-ding-dong (she hates it, but secretly loves it when I call her that). She is 8 going on 30. This kid is soemthing else, she loves to be loved, she always wants to be hugging, kissing, be carried, sit on top of, hang off of, be under your feet so that she knows that you are close by, loving and be loved kind of kid. The most famous Sam quote "I love dolphins" just randomly shouted out at the strangest times. I love this girl!
Introducing Sierra. She is 4 and thinks that she is much older than she is. She loves to be the little mommy. There is such a big personality in such a little body. Her favorite thing to do is to sing and dance. She would sing all day long if you let her. She love hugs and kisses, but doesn't like strangers. She loves baseball and absolutely loves Captain, the Ranger's mascot.
Introducing, Ella Bella. She is 3 and our last baby. What can I say about this little angel baby? No matter what mood you are in, when she looks at you and smiles, the whole room lights up and everything that has been bothering you just melts away in those baby blue eyes. She is such a sweet baby. Her whole world revolves around Veggietales, music, dancing, dressing up and running around screaming at the top of her lungs. She is the one who makes sure that the house is not clean and not quiet at all times, but I don't know what I would do without her, life would be so dull.
So this is my world. My life, my heart. My reason for living, breathing and getting up every day. My heart never knew it could hold so much joy and love in it. My days are long and some seem to never end, some are hectic, some days it seems like I haven't done anything at all. Some days I am doing good to just get out of bed and get the kids dressed (or myself for that matter as I type this in my pj's), and others everything seems to just go right, up, house clean, all things taken care of for the day and the kids go down to bed early so my hunny and I can watch a move (rare days). But to be totally honest, I wouldn't trade even the worst day for anything in the world.
So here are my introductions to my life with a few pics so that as I go further along, you will know who I am talking about.
This is me and the love of my life, my wonderful husband of 6 years (as of 5 days ago). He is the most wonderful husband in the whole world. He is my support system and I don't know what I would do without him. Together we have our own business and ministry, we are both ordained pastors and do everything for God's glory. As you can tell, I am just a little proud of my hunny bunny.
This, is Haley, yes she is going to be mad at me for using this picture, but it totally describes the thinking of a 16 year old, the oldest child of 6. The look says it all. But in reality, she is a great kid, we are getting ready to go through getting her license (I am far to young to have a kid driving!). She gets straight A's is taking 2 college credit classes, she does community service with her school and is already working toward getting scholarships so we don't have to pay for college for her! I couldn't be more proud of her if she was biologically my own.
This is Taylor (Tae), she is 12 and just moved in with us this summer, she is a person all of her own. Very headstrong and outspoken, not afraid to tell you what she thinks. She has the biggest heart for the underdog I have ever seen in a 12 year old. Since moving in here with us, she has blossomed into such a great person, I can't wait to watch her grow up into a great woman.
This is my Sam-a-lam-a-ding-dong (she hates it, but secretly loves it when I call her that). She is 8 going on 30. This kid is soemthing else, she loves to be loved, she always wants to be hugging, kissing, be carried, sit on top of, hang off of, be under your feet so that she knows that you are close by, loving and be loved kind of kid. The most famous Sam quote "I love dolphins" just randomly shouted out at the strangest times. I love this girl!
Introducing, Ella Bella. She is 3 and our last baby. What can I say about this little angel baby? No matter what mood you are in, when she looks at you and smiles, the whole room lights up and everything that has been bothering you just melts away in those baby blue eyes. She is such a sweet baby. Her whole world revolves around Veggietales, music, dancing, dressing up and running around screaming at the top of her lungs. She is the one who makes sure that the house is not clean and not quiet at all times, but I don't know what I would do without her, life would be so dull.
So this is my world. My life, my heart. My reason for living, breathing and getting up every day. My heart never knew it could hold so much joy and love in it. My days are long and some seem to never end, some are hectic, some days it seems like I haven't done anything at all. Some days I am doing good to just get out of bed and get the kids dressed (or myself for that matter as I type this in my pj's), and others everything seems to just go right, up, house clean, all things taken care of for the day and the kids go down to bed early so my hunny and I can watch a move (rare days). But to be totally honest, I wouldn't trade even the worst day for anything in the world.
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